Yesterday I was back into teacher mode for most of the day, working with colleagues.  It takes me a while to soak up all the perspectives and ideas before I am ready to share.      I’m not sure if my long processing pauses are sparked more from curiosity or from my extreme introverted nature.  Either way, I find my behavior similar to that of the wolf in my recent dream.  According to Carl Jung, dreams help us communicate with our unconscious which in turn, helps guide our waking self.  In my dream, I was sitting out doors and  behind me I saw a wolf padding back and forth along the perimeter of the field.  At first I was alarmed. I told myself, if he feels my fear, he will think I am weak.  So, I shifted my mindset and relaxed deeply into his presence behind me, no longer giving him my attention.  In that moment I felt a strong center of peace settle inside.  I no longer was attentive to his whereabouts and instead,  sat still, mindfully absorbing the sensory details around me.  Later I was surprised to find him sitting by my side…in peace.

In reading more about the wolf’s purpose in my dream, I recognized his symbolism as a pathfinder and according to Jamie Sams & David Carson in their book Medicine Cards, “wolf is …the forerunner of new ideas who returns to the clan to teach and share medicine.”  As I continued to absorbed his meaning I recognized my own need to be part of the pack and also maintain my individuality.  As the teacher in me nurtures and watches ideas grow in my students, I too must grow if I am to live.  This is why I crave adventure and seek others who will challenge and empower me to explore deeper.

As I repeatedly listened to ideas growing in the room, I scanned the faces of teachers, admin, and leaders and recognized in that moment I was part of a pack of amazing learners, seekers, and yes, wolves.  As we listened to the wisdom of each member and moved forward with ideas, I was taken back by the sentiments of a few of my colleagues as they shared their trust and respect for me.  It has not often been my experience, feeling an important part of the pack.  I suppose that is where my ‘holding on’, have created images of my worth to the pack but more than likely, were wounding images of not feeling ‘…enough’.  When my family and friends share their praises, I feel their love and acceptance and I feel protected.  I don’t often allow those perceptions of merit the same value as hearing praises from my colleagues.  There is a different kind of ‘special’ that comes from hearing your colleagues–the ones that walk the walk with you each day at work, tell you in a room of peers, how much they value and respect you.  I experienced that yesterday and it left me a bit speechless and humbled.  Again, when my family applaud my creativity and hard work, I feel supported and loved but when two or more of my colleagues share their admiration, I must stop and take note of the reels I have been watching over the years and reevaluate their truth and authenticity.  I am honored to work with so many  hardworking, compassionate, Pathfinders. The wolf in me, needs to find balance within and acceptance of worth while honoring  her charge to stretch and adventure toward ever-growing wholeness and membership in the pack as well as family.