Expectations

Weighted with Shoulds

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As I became aware of time yesterday, I no longer sat in the moment with my 6+ hours of gliding outdoors, surrounded by tweets and twerps, and flitting hummingbirds.  Instead I became conscious of how long I was sitting in front of my computer editing photos.  While not consciously aware of time I was truly enjoying the moment as I focused on colors, textures, and depth of field.  Now with the weight of time hanging on me, I shifted to wondering what I have done with my day.  “I should buy groceries, I should mop the floors,  I should workout, I should be creating art…”  But then I realize, I AM creating.  Oddly, I was able to give myself permission for sitting so long in one place working on those edits but I still needed to ‘be productive’ now with the remaining part of my afternoon.  I shopped, I biked, I washed the dishes, I weeded through some clutter…I was productive!  What would it have meant for me to relinquish the grip on ‘shoulds’ and stay with my photography?  Why do I judge my worth based on how productive I am?  Its time to tap into the myriad of gifts God has given me and stop judging which ones merit more worth than the others.  I want to sit with my creativity and passion and sit until I no longer desire to sit.  These other distracting tasks are not worthy of the weight I give them.  Instead I choose to release them and focus on what brings me joy.

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